Let's take a look at one of the most misunderstood communities in our world today. The gay community. It is a most diverse and puzzling group with its own social norms, shared behavior, and also has positive and negative aspects. In order to determine if the gay community is "special" or "different" we have to look at every aspect of this people and the way they interact not only with themselves but with others whom they perceive to be "different" than themselves.
You cannot paint the gay community with one broad brush, no more than you can the straight community, because both are multifaceted environments and worlds. We will examine the things which are common to the gay community and when we do, we will realize it is also the same and quite relative to the so called "straight" community. My whole point here today is to reveal the fact that there is very little difference between gays, lesbians, transgendered, and straight people.
I put it to you gentle reader that there is very little difference between gays and straights. It's silly to think otherwise. Gays to are of the opinion that they are total polar opposites of the straights are deceiving themselves and in so doing create problems that would otherwise not exist.
Understanding the Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexual and Transgendered
Homosexuality confers upon the practitioners of this sexual preference a defining which states they are attracted to the same sex. Are they born this way or are they "taught" to be this way? This debate is not only silly but has been raging on for decades. It has been stated that opposites attract but in the gay community, is this true, since they are attracted to the same sex? Yes it is true, but is more complex than first imagined.
Are gay men and gay women (lesbians) the same? Are they comparable because both are attracted to the same sex? Not at all and ,if you think so, you are very mistaken. Are transgendered people the same as gay men and gay women? No, they are different yet they share the same humanity. Get this point into your heads now. Gays, Lesbians, Transgendered and Bisexuals are human. No more, no less. Human behavior is just that. Human.
We as "humans" feel a need to "label." Even so in the so called "gay community" there are a myriad of labels and by their own choosing. These labels help to identify the type of gay a person is and yet at the same time separates like most labels do. This is actually quite unnecessary and prevents community cohesion as it does in the straight community.
Gay males come in all ages and are not simply homogenous. They come in all races, creeds, religions, nationalities and cultures. Like straight humans, gays, lesbians, bi & transgendered humans have relationships and like straights approach and live these relationships in a manner which best nurtures the individuals involved in them. Also, just like their straight counter parts some of the gay community enters into relationships that are harmful to at least one of the people living out these varied relationships.
Gayness is not a "lifestyle" but is a human condition. Lifestyles are choices made and parameters set by those who "choose" to follow the self made rules of living. Gayness is not a choice nor is it a learned behavior. Certain aspects of gay sexuality is taught and learned such as techniques or the mechanics of love making but the desire and passion cannot be taught. In the straight world as it is called, little boys aren't born with the knowledge of how to engage in sexual intercourse with a female nor does he know or even care what gives pleasure to the female, but the techniques and mechanisms of love making are taught and learned. The desire and passion is there by course of nature. It is as natural to them (the heterosexuals) as homosexuality is natural to gays. It is either there or it is not.
If you take a boy (kid) who by his nature is not gay and and force him to experience homosexual intercourse either oral, anal or other, his psyche will rebel against this introduction of intimacy that is contrary to his "nature". He will develop psychological problems which will manifest itself in actions that are destructive to the human boy. Self medicating seems to be the norm and that is where people abuse drugs and alcohol in order to mask the internal pain and conflict that comes from actions perpetrated on them by others. It is therefor extremely dangerous to act against the will of another and to introduce by force or coercion something into the psyche of another that is contrary to their very nature.
If you take a gay boy (kid) and force him to engage in heterosexual relations the same result will occur. Harm to the psyche can be very disabling and damaging. Each human individual needs to follow their own nature. You see, I'm a firm believer in "free will." Each human being must be free to become who they are and it is the responsibility of all humans to insure that our communities are as loving and nurturing as the homes we create for ourselves. A community can be considered a home and we all create homes that are "safe havens" and places where love and peace can flourish. I'm not saying that "free will" is a blank check that you can cash at the expense of others, what I am saying is "free will" must be followed by each human as long as it's not harmful to others. No one has the "right" to force their will upon another to that persons harm.
Gay males have life experiences that are unique to themselves and experiences they share with their heterosexual counterparts. Community rejection, stereotyping, and homophobia are negative experiences that are unique to the gay male community. Both gay and heterosexual males face the obstacle of finding a mate who is desirable, faithful, loving and monogamous. Cheating and betrayal infect both gay and straight worlds because it is learned behavior and an exercise of "free will". There are more similarities between gay and straight males than there are differences. Not all gay males are "Nelly" or "fem". Many are masculine or macho and are found by the less masculine to be desirable. In both gays and heterosexuals there are struggles and triumphs, ups and downs, high and lows, positive and negative aspects.
Is the gay community "special or different" than the heterosexual community? Absolutely not. The gay community is guided by the same external forces that guide or misguide the heterosexual community. Marketing, advertising, social norms and morals are all the same and are derived from the same sources. Gay marketing and advertising is based on "fantasy" just as it is in the heterosexual community. Sex sells. The gay community has been reduced to a "hedonistic amoral community." Gays look at the heterosexual community and see broken marriages, child abuse, bigotry, homophobia, oppression and crime. When you look at the gay community all those things are there as well. Some gays dislike "fems" and make it known. Some gays only like "straight men", some gays like "twinks or teen boys", while others only like older men (young vs. older) and there are various reasons for it. When asked why, they all respond with stereotypical answers, thus "stereotyping".
Then you have gay males who will quickly point out how "hot" some straight guy is all the while thinking that his sexual preference is either disgusting or he is trying to figure out how to bring this straight guy out of a closet the he's not even in. This cannot be denied as it occurs constantly by an overwhelming majority in the gay male sector. Homophobic heterosexual males on the other hand find gay sex disgusting and have established many "ex-gay" programs such as Exodus, which is a religious themed program, that helps "gay males" become straight males. Here we go again with actions against someone else's nature.
Peel back the layers of the gay community and you find the same life experiences that you will find in the heterosexual community always. There is a social idea that says gays and straights are different and that is one of the silliest ideas ever accepted by a people. There is no difference. Go to a gay bar and what do you find? People. Gay bars and their patrons exist for one reason and that is to "distract and provide escape" for those who frequent the establishments. You have gay men who go, drink, or take drugs and or cruise. It can be a combination of all three. You find this in heterosexual oriented bars or clubs as well. Personally, I feel that "clubbing" is like stepping in crap with no shoes on. I have yet to go to a gay bar that was not stereotypical which is quite obvious. You will always find, dancers, drunks, emotionally arrested adolescents in adult bodies, drug addicts, prostitutes, gold diggers, unfaithful partners, cruisers, and yes, drag queens. I refuse to date a clubber as I am one of those who seek the elusive LTR. Please forgive me but I am a hopeless romantic and I'm not the only one. I will be friends with and support someone who enjoys the clubs but I won't be an enabler or follow the same practices they do as it is against my free will. I understand the various reasons that motivate "clubbers" and I am the first to admit that I am not one of them nor do I share in their motivations.
Let's take a look at the various sectors of the gay community, with the people and ideas that comprise these varied sectors.
Masculine Gay Men:
The masculine gay man is seemingly at the center of the gay community. He is highly favored by gays and straights alike because he is not "fem". He "acts like a man." You see it all the time on gay web personals "I want a man to act like a man and I don't want any fems. No offense but its just the way I am." End quote. The masculine gay man can fit in to both gay and straight worlds and does quite well. The masculine gay man is generally a good provider and is involved in some sort of profession or business. He is the Alpha male of the pack and lives his life in almost identical parallel to his straight counterparts. The masculine gay man is attracted to various types. Some like like "fems" only as it gives them a feeling of marriage while others prefer other "masculine" men in a mad attempt to avoid "drama." For the most part these men are either "tops" or "versatile".
Fems:
Everyone knows a fem. He is a very sensitive creature and emulates his mother and always has a "hag" near by or simply a phone call away. You rarely see him without his "hag". The hag is simply an extension of his mother and she always secretly longs for the day when she can turn him straight but most won't admit this. There is a saying, "if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you." Everywhere you find a fem you will find "drama". With more "issues" than National Geographic these hearty folk are found at shopping malls, jewelry stores and clubs. They are always on the prowl for that elusive "Hot Guy" who has washboard abs, straight teeth, perfect hair and dreamy eyes. The fems either over eat or they don't eat enough and are highly suggestive. Any launching a marketing campaign on earth knows that it takes very little to sway this crowd. Clothes, jewelry, hair product and styles, shoes, and sex are the hot button issues with this group. If you truly want to get to know them, simply meet and get to know their mothers. They are "bottoms" and submissive but don't let that fool you. They are vindictive, spiteful, and have a temper that is unsurpassed by any other. They are manipulative, charming, stylish and can hold a grudge like none other. They want what they want and they want it now.
Twinks: (A subgroup of Fems)
Let the parade begin, the twinks are here. We all see them in the gay bars and cruising the shopping malls. They love Starbucks, book stores, retail shopping and being spoiled. These hearty folk make up a large sector of the gay community. The twinks range in age from 15 to 25 and always hang on to their youth like they do their last shred of dignity. Like fems, they want what they want and anyone else be damned if they get in their way. I have known a myriad of twinks in my time and I always avoid relationships with them. I made the mistake of having a relationship with one and by doing so I learned a valuable lesson. RUN! They are vain, expensive, narcissistic and the most insincere people I've ever had the displeasure to meet. You can find them cruising the gym for hot guys while the slowly walk on the tread mill or lift their 10 lbs. weight set. They love the gym clothes and if asked to describe the interior of the gym they simply could not. They can tell you who is there, what he is wearing or not wearing. They can fully describe a man with such exacting detail that if you had them as an eye witness in court and you were hot, you'd be screwed. Twinks go online to gay personals, lie about their age and have sex with adults until they themselves are adults. This horrifies many gay men to think they just crawled out of bed with a 15 year old. The twinks don't care as long as they are happy with what ever it is they do, everyone else can go get screwed. They enjoy being spoiled like the more professional fems. If they don't get their way or the man they want, there will be drama, and hell to pay.
Twinks can be found late at night "puking" in the parking lot of any gay bar. You can also trace their drinking binges to recent drama brought about by their "partner" or latest "target" who is hot, leaving them or blowing them off after use. Nearby is the omnipresent hag holding his head while he pukes muttering the words "honey forget that sorry ass bastard, I told you I didn't trust him. It's his loss." The Twink always finds comfort in the words of his hag because she always agrees with him in principle and never betrays him. She is the "fat chick" you always have to take on a date with you for the first time. The Twink can talk endlessly about himself and the things he likes or dislikes and will constantly let you know when his birthday rolls around and will call you constantly prior too and during gift giving holidays. If dating a Twink, you must always be aware of his favorite color, favorite food, music, jewelry choices, car, (always expensive ones) type of house, condo or apartment he will tolerate, and of course you must always be nice to his hag even if she is rude as hell to you and hates your guts. Break any of these rules and there will be hell to pay. This little gay person grew up with TV as a baby sitter and his mind cannot grasp the reality of life very well. If his life is not the same as what he finds in catalogs, books, TV movies and shows or on DVD he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Understand them, identify them, and by all means, be careful. Yes they are cute and adorable but so are koalas but they will shred you to bits if crossed.
BD/S&M
The psycho-dynamics involved in their world are varied and basically boil down to "control" and "trust". The dominant men desire to "control" others and direct them or orchestrate the sexual experience, while the submissive desire to be vulnerable and derive a rush from trusting the one who has them in bondage. Being in bondage takes away any and all responsibility for their lust and desires. They enjoy having it forced upon them. The pleasure of pain comes from a self loathing and the infliction of pain is derived from a strong desire to exercise power over another and to view their reactions to the infliction of pain. This world rapidly changes and is totally imaginary. These folks create dungeons, ass machines, slings, and a host of other tools and toys with which they utilize to bring about the fruition of any fantasy they can create in their minds. They do have a counterpart in the straight community. I would go into the psychological profile of all the "gay" groups but will do so at a later date. These who reside within this community are often times dysfunctional in character and in action. Body worship comes from this community and is shared with the other sectors.
The problem with hedonism and body worship is that in time, we all grow older and finally reach the final stop, old age. It is all pointless and deceiving, an exercise in futility. Does it truly make us happy to expend all this energy and money on the superficial? As the gay community ages and youth has fled, depression sets in and many become bitter and lonely. If you look clearly at the present you will see that the youth are also bitter and lonely without the onset of old age. We as a community should recognize what is being done to us and how it effects us as human beings. Are we merely gullible consumers who chase after the beauty and hedonism of youth or are we a viable and miraculous people who can survive when others fail. Are we the ones who will take up the torch of morality or are we the ones who eternally snuff out that flame? The choice is ours to make. Isn't free will a bitch?
Bisexuals
Bisexuals come from homes where both parents are emotionally distant and therefor the internalization of "pleasing mommy and daddy" is begun. These folks spend their entire lives being faithful to none and live for the sexual physical experience and in turn deceive themselves into thinking they love anyone. They love being with someone but have never been actually able to commit to any one single person regardless of sex for a lengthy period of time. These folks also serve as a "disease bridge" between the gay and straight community. The bisexual is usually a "top" when with a straight woman and a "bottom" when with a gay man. You will often time see that some are "versatile" when they produce an online personal add but usually are advertising as a bottom.
Many gay men and boys, as well as straight girls and women have had their hearts broken, as they say, by bisexuals. Does this in anyway bother the bisexual person? Absolutely not, they truly don't care as long as their needs are fulfilled and most are considered hyper sexual people or suffering from sex addiction. These people inhabit both the gay and straight world and do so with ease. They can and do blend in quite well.
If you are looking for an LTR, whether you are a gay male or a gay woman, please save yourself a lot of pain and grief and steer clear of the bisexual. If you want some recreational sex and don't care about an LTR then dive in.
Lesbians
The totally female sector of the gay community are an amazing group of people. Lesbians fall in love and do so with such passion and depth. They generally as a rule gravitate or dream of gravitating to rural areas. In rural areas they become Nester's and make excellent parents as do some gay men. The "country" represents an abundance of life and women are by nature "life givers". Every gay man knows a lesbian who is either a business person or a professional. Lesbians can be found all over the map and can actaully do anything a man can do except urinate over a fence. (humor intended) They are found in traditional "mens" work and do quite well at it and as a matter of fact are more consciensous towards their work. In other words they do a great job at whatever they do. By their nature they don't like "slack" and "mistakes" if they are done out of a lack of enthusiasm.
You can rest assured that Lesbians are a hearty and enthusiastic people who put 100% of themselves into everything they do. They make excellent neighbors and friends. They are the counterpart of the heterosexual couple who marry for life and raise a wonderful family. This is generally a rule of thumb but as in all groups there are some who don't fit this mold and are widely known in the community and avoided. Lesbians like to enjoy peaceful and safe homes and will not tolerate a disruption of this harmony.
Transgendered
We call them "Trannys", "transgendered", "cross dressers" (mistakenly), "transformers", "decepticons", and a host of other labels. These individuals are either gay males or females who feel they were born into the wrong bodies. These are a very vulnerable sector who are more often victims of violence than any other sector. These folks respond well to sincerity and love and if given the opportunity can be productive members of any community. They come from all walks of life and are as varied as the professions they follow. Very creative and artistic they do well in urban centers better than rural areas.
Transgendered people are very good at hiding their emotions especially when they are hurting inside. The suicide rate is very high among this sector of the community due to internal and external conflicts that dominate their psychological well being and physical health. We and they relegate them to the role of "drag queens" or "butch lesbians" but when we do this, we are incorrect in our assumptions. They are very unique indeed. Their straight counterparts in fact look upon them with amazement and often times cross over into the transgendered world just to follow and learn from these amazing people.
Like any group or sector their are problems and people who cause them. Transgendered people can be very spiteful and vengful. This is normally due to the fact they hold in a lot of pain and aggression. They learn to do this from a young age and long for love, security and acceptance. If you observe transgendered kids you will be left speechless. They are absolutely amazing human beings and are capable of great and wonderful things. All gay and transgendered kids should be our most cherished community members. They after all are our future.
No matter what the striaght community has, the gay community has it also. You want labels? We both have labels. You want good folks? We both have them. You want assholes? They abound on both sides of the fence. Lovers, killers, peace activist, artist, professionals, stars, homeless, wealthy and poor. Anything you think of the gays and straights have it. Are we truly different or are we more alike than we care to admit?
I think we are more alike. We are identical, we are human.
What's The Difference?
Let's take a look at one of the most misunderstood communities in our world today. The gay community. It is a most diverse and puzzling group with its own social norms, shared behavior, and also has positive and negative aspects. In order to determine if the gay community is "special" or "different" we have to look at every aspect of this people and the way they interact not only with themselves but with others whom they perceive to be "different" than themselves.
You cannot paint the gay community with one broad brush, no more than you can the straight community, because both are multifacited environments and worlds. We will examine the things which are common to the gay community and when we do, we will realize it is also the same and quite relative to the so called "straight" community. My whole point here today is to reveal the fact that their is very little difference between gays, lesbians, transgendered, and straight people.
I put it to you gentle reader that their is very little difference between gays and straights. It's silly to think otherwise. Gays to are of the opinion that they are total polar opposites of the straights are deceiving themselves and in so doing create problems that would otherwise not exist.
Understanding the Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexual and Transgendered
Homosexuality confers upon the practitioners of this sexual preference a defining which states they are attracted to the same sex. Are they born this way or are they "taught" to be this way? This debate is not only silly but has been raging on for decades. It has been stated that opposites attract but in the gay community is this true since they are attracted to the same sex? Yes it is true, but is more complex than first imagined.
Are gay men and gay women (lesbians) the same? Are they comparable because both are attracted to the same sex? Not at all and ,if you think so, you are very mistaken. Are transgendered people the same as gay men and gay women? No, they are different yet they share the same humanity. Get this point into your heads now. Gays, Lesbians, Transgendered and Bi-sexuals are human. No more, no less. Human behavior is just that. Human.
We as "humans" feel a need to "label." Even so in the so called "gay community" there are a miriad of labels and by their own choosing. These labels help to identify the type of gay a person is and yet at the same time seperates like most labels do. This is actually quite unnecassary and prevents community cohesion as it does in the straight community.
Gay males come in all ages and are not simply homogenus. They come in all races, creeds, religions, nationalities and cultures. Like straight humans, gays, lesbians, bi & transgendered humans have relationships and like straights approach and live these relationships in a manner which best nurtures the individuals involved in them. Also, just like their straight counter parts some of the gay community enters into relationships that are harmful to at least one of the people living out these varied relationships.
Gayness is not a "lifestyle" but is a human condition. Lifestyles are choices made and parameters set by those who "choose" to follow the self made rules of living. Gayness is not a choice nor is it a learned behavior. Certain aspects of gay sexuality is taught and learned such as techniques or the mechanics of love making but the desire and passion cannot be taught. In the straight world as it is called, little boys aren't born with the knowledge of how to engage in sexual intercourse with a female nor does he know or even care what gives pleasure to the female, but the techniques and mechanisms of love making are taught and learned. The desire and passion is there by course of nature. It is as natural to them (the heterosexuals) as homosexuality is natural to gays. It is either there or it is not.
If you take a boy (kid) who by his nature is not gay and and force him to experience homosexual intercourse either oral, anal or other, his psyche will rebel against this introduction of intimacy that is contrary to his "nature". He will develop psychological problems which will manifest itself in actions that are destructive to the human boy. Self medicating seems to be the norm and that is where people abuse drugs and alchohol in order to mask the internal pain and conflict that comes from actions perpitrated on them by others. It is therefor extremely dangerous to act against the will of another and to introduce by force or coersion something into the psyche of another that is contrary to their very nature.
If you take a gay boy (kid) and force him to engage in heterosexual relations the same result will occur. Harm to the psyche can be very disabling and damaging. Each human individual needs to follow their own nature. You see, I'm a firm believer in "free will." Each human being must be free to become who they are and it is the responsibility of all humans to insure that our communities are as loving and nurturing as the homes we create for ourselves. A community can be considered a home and we all create homes that are "safe havens" and places where love and peace can flourish. I'm not saying that "free will" is a blank check that you can cash at the expense of others, what I am saying is "free will" must be followed by each human as long as it's not harmful to others. No one has the "right" to force their will upon another to that persons harm.
Gay males have life experiences that are unique to themselves and experiences they share with their heterosexual counterparts. Community rejection, stereotyping, and homophobia are negative experiences that are unique to the gay male community. Both gay and heterosexual males face the obstacle of finding a mate who is desirable, faithful, loving and monogomus. Cheating and betrayal infect both gay and straight worlds because it is leanred behavior and an exercise of "free will". There are more similarities between gay and straight males than there are differences. Not all gay males are "Nelly" or "fem". Many are masculine or macho and are found by the less masculine to be desirable. In both gays and heterosexuals there are struggles and triumphs, ups and downs, high and lows, posititve and negative aspects.
Is the gay community "special or different" than the heterosexual community? Absolutely not. The gay community is guided by the same external forces that guide or misguide the heterosexual community. Marketing, advertising, social norms and morals are all the same and are derived from the same sources. Gay marketing and advertising is based on "fantasy" just as it is in the heterosexual community. Sex sells. The gay community has been reduced to a "hedonistic amoral community." Gays look at the heterosexual community and see broken marriages, child abuse, bigotry, homophobia, oppression and crime. When you look at the gay community all those things are there as well. Some gays dislike "fems" and make it known. Some gays only like "straight men", some gays like "twinks or teen boys", while others only like older men (young vs. older) and there are various reasons for it. When asked why, they all respond with stereotypical answers, thus "stereotyping".
Then you have gay males who will quickly point out how "hot" some straight guy is all the while thinking that his sexual preference is either disgusting or he is trying to figure out how to bring this straight guy out of a closet the he's not even in. This cannot be denied as it occurs constantly by an overwhelming majority in the gay male sector. Homophobic heterosexual males on the other hand find gay sex disgusting and have established many "ex-gay" programs such as Exodus, which is a religious themed program, that helps "gay males" become straight males. Here we go again with actions against someone elses nature.
Peel back the layers of the gay community and you find the same life experiences that you will find in the heterosexual community always. There is a social idea that says gays and straights are different and that is one of the silliest ideas ever accepted by a people. There is no difference. Go to a gay bar and what do you find? People. Gay bars and their patrons exist for one reason and that is to "distract and provide escape" for those who frequent the establishments. You have gay men who go, drink, or take drugs and or cruise. It can be a combination of all three. You find this in heterosexual oriented bars or clubs as well. Personally, I feel that "clubbing" is like stepping in crap with no shoes on. I have yet to go to a gay bar that was not stereotypical which is quite obvious. You will always find, dancers, drunks, emotionally arrested adolescents in adult bodies, drug addicts, prostitutes, gold diggers, unfaithful partners, cruisers, and yes, drag queens. I refuse to date a clubber as I am one of those who seek the elusive LTR. Please forgive me but I am a hopeless romantic and I'm not the only one. I will be friends with and support someone who enjoys the clubs but I won't be an enabler or follow the same practices they do as it is against my free will. I understand the various reasons that motivate "clubbers" and I am the first to admit that I am not one of them nor do I share in their motivations.
Let's take a look at the various sectors of the gay community, with the people and ideas that comprise these varied sectors.
Masculine Gay Men:
The masculine gay man is seemingly at the center of the gay community. He is highly favored by gays and straights alike because he is not "fem". He "acts like a man." You see it all the time on gay web personals "I want a man to act like a man and I don't want any fems. No offense but its just the way I am." End quote. The masculine gay man can fit in to both gay and staight worlds and does quite well. The masculine gay man is generally a good provider and is involved in some sort of profession or business. He is the Alpha male of the pack and lives his life in almost identical paralell to his straight counterparts. The masculine gay man is attracted to various types. Some like like "fems" only as it gives them a feeling of marriage while others prefer other "masculine" men in a mad attempt to avoid "drama." For the most part these men are either "tops" or "versitile".
Fems:
Everyone knows a fem. He is a very sensative creature and emmulates his mother and always has a "hag" near by or simply a phone call away. You rarely see him without his "hag". The hag is simply an extension of his mother and she always secretly longs for the day when she can turn him straight but most won't admit this. There is a saying, "if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you." Everywhere you find a fem you will find "drama". With more "issues" than National Geographic these hearty folk are found at shopping malls, jewelry stores and clubs. They are always on the prowel for that elusive "Hot Guy" who has washboard abs, straight teeth, perfect hair and dreamy eyes. The fems either over eat or they don't eat enough and are highly suggestive. Any launching a marketing campaign on earth knows that it takes very little to sway this crowd. Clothes, jewelry, hair product and styles, shoes, and sex are the hot button issues with this group. If you truly want to get to know them, simply meet and get to know their mothers. They are "bottoms" and submissive but don't let that fool you. They are vindictive, spiteful, and have a temper that is unsurpassed by any other. They are manipulative, charming, stylish and can hold a grudge like none other. They want what they want and they want it now.
Twinks: (A subgroup of Fems)
Let the parade begin, the twinks are here. We all see them in the gay bars and cruising the shopping malls. They love Starbucks, book stores, retail shopping and being spoiled. These hearty folk make up a large sector of the gay community. The twinks range in age from 15 to 25 and always hang on to their youth like they do their last shred of dignity. Like fems, they want what they want and anyone else be damned if they get in their way. I have known a miriad of twinks in my time and I always avoid relationships with them. I made the mistake of having a relationship with one and by doing so I learned a valuable lesson. RUN! They are vain, expensive, narcissistic and the most insensere people I've ever had the displeasure to meet. You can find them cruising the gym for hot guys while the slowly walk on the tread mill or lift their 10 lbs. weight set. They love the gym clothes and if asked to describe the interior of the gym they simply could not. They can tell you who is there, what he is wearing or not wearing. They can fully describe a man with such exacting detail that if you had them as an eye witness in court and you were hot, you'd be screwed. Twinks go online to gay personals, lie about their age and have sex with adults until they themselves are adults. This horrifies many gay men to think they just crawled out of bed with a 15 year old. The twinks don't care as long as they are happy with what ever it is they do, everyone else can go get screwed. They enjoy being spoiled like the more professinal fems. If they don't get their way or the man they want, there will be drama, and hell to pay.
Twinks can be found late at night "puking" in the parking lot of any gay bar. You can also trace their drinking binges to recent drama brought about by their "partner" or latest "target" who is hot, leaving them or blowing them off after use. Nearby is the omnipresent hag holding his head while he pukes muttering the words "honey forget that sorry ass bastard, I told you I didn't trust him. It's his loss." The Twink always finds comfort in the words of his hag because she always agrees with him in priniciple and never betrays him. She is the "fat chick" you always have to take on a date with you for the first time. The Twink can talk endlessly about himself and the things he likes or dislikes and will constantly let you know when his birthday rolls around and will call you constatntly prior too and during gift giving holidays. If dating a Twink, you must always be aware of his favorite color, favorite food, music, jewelry choices, car, (always expensive ones) type of house, condo or apartment he will tolerate, and of course you must always be nice to his hag even if she is rude as hell to you and hates your guts. Break any of these rules and there will be hell to pay. This little gay person grew up with TV as a baby sitter and his mind cannot grasp the reality of life very well. If his life is not the same as what he finds in catalogs, books, TV movies and shows or on DVD he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Understand them, identify them, and by all means, be careful. Yes they are cute and adorable but so are koalas but they will shred you to bits if crossed.
BD/S&M
This group of folks are, to say the least, bizarre to most. They are generally as a rule of thumb, in a category of their own. These members of the gay community can be often times readily spotted from a distance and their "night clubs" are far different from your mainstream gay bars. They offer alcohol, drugs, pain, discipline, bondage, and a host of paraphilias that seem to exite and stimulate them. Their lives are drawn around the process of sexual expression. There are two divisions of this group, the dominant and submissive. They have their own color code of "hankies" that informs their subcommunity members "what they're into."
The psycho-dynamics involved in their world are varied and basically boil down to "control" and "trust". The dominant men desire to "control" others and direct them or orchestrate the sexual experience, while the submissive desire to be vulnerable and derive a rush from trusting the one who has them in bondage. Being in bondage takes away any and all responsibility for their lust and desires. They enjoy having it forced upon them. The pleasure of pain comes from a self loathing and the infliction of pain is derived from a strong desire to exercise power over another and to view their reactions to the infliction of pain. This world rapidly changes and is totally imaginary. These folks create dungeons, ass machines, slings, and a host of other tools and toys with which they utilize to bring about the fruition of any fantasy they can create in their minds. They do have a counterpart in the straight community. I would go into the psychlogical profile of all the "gay" groups but will do so at a later date. These who reside within this community are often times disfunctional in character and in action. Body worship comes from this community and is shared with the other sectors.
The problem with hedonism and body worship is that in time, we all grow older and finally reach the final stop, old age. It is all pointless and deceiving, an exercise in futility. Does it truly make us happy to expend all this energy and money on the superficial? As the gay community ages and youth has fled, depression sets in and many become bitter and lonely. If you look clearly at the present you will see that the youth are also bitter and lonely without the onset of old age. We as a community should recognize what is being done to us and how it effects us as human beings. Are we merely gulible consumers who chase after the beauty and hedonism of youth or are we a viable and miraculous people who can survive when others fail. Are we the ones who will take up the torch of morality or are we the ones who eternally snuff out that flame? The choice is ours to make. Isn't free will a bitch?
Bisexuals
Now here is a kick in the head. Totally gay men and women look upon this anomoly as a puzzle within a puzzle. You've heard it said many times by the frustrated. "Pick a team and play!"
Bisexuals come from home where both parents are emotionally distant and therefor the internalization of "pleasing mommy and daddy" is begun. These folks spend their entire lives being faithful to none and live for the sexual physical experience and in turn deceive themselves into thinking they love anyone. They love being with someone but have never been actually able to commit to any one single person regardless of sex for a lengthy period of time. These folks also serve as a "disease bridge" between the gay and straight community. The bisexual is usually a "top" when with a straight woman and a "bottom" when with a gay man. You will often time see that some are "versitile" when they produce an online personal add but usually are advertising as a bottom.
Many gay men and boys, as well as straight girls and women have had their hearts broken, as they say, by bisexuals. Does this in anyway bother the bisexual person? Absolutely not, they truly don't care as long as their needs are fulfilled and most are considered hypersexual people or suffering from sex addiction. These people inhabit both the gay and straight world and do so with ease. They can and do blend in quite well.
If you are looking for an LTR, whether you are a gay male or a gay woman, please save yourself a lot of pain and grief and steer clear of the bisexual. If you want some recreational sex and don't care about an LTR then dive in.
Lesbians
The totally female sector of the gay community are an amazing group of people. Lesbians fall in love and do so with such passion and depth. They generally as a rule gravitate or dream of gravitating to rural areas. In rural areas they become nesters and make excellent parents as do some gay men. The "country" represents an abundance of life and women are by nature "life givers". Every gay man knows a lesbian who is either a business person or a professional. Lesbians can be found all over the map and can actaully do anything a man can do except urinate over a fence. (humor intended) They are found in traditional "mens" work and do quite well at it and as a matter of fact are more consciensous towards their work. In other words they do a great job at whatever they do. By their nature they don't like "slack" and "mistakes" if they are done out of a lack of enthusiasm.
You can rest assured that Lesbians are a hearty and enthusiastic people who put 100% of themselves into everything they do. They make excellent neighbors and friends. They are the counterpart of the heterosexual couple who marry for life and raise a wonderful family. This is generally a rule of thumb but as in all groups there are some who don't fit this mold and are widely known in the community and avoided. Lesbians like to enjoy peaceful and safe homes and will not tolerate a disruption of this harmony.
Transgendered
We call them "Trannys", "transgendered", "cross dressers" (mistakenly), "transformers", "decepticons", and a host of other labels. These individuals are either gay males or females who feel they were born into the wrong bodies. These are a very vulnerable sector who are more often victims of violence than any other sector. These folks respond well to sincerity and love and if given the opportunity can be productive members of any community. They come from all walks of life and are as varied as the professions they follow. Very creative and artistic they do well in urban centers better than rural areas.
Transgendered people are very good at hiding their emotions especially when they are hurting inside. The suicide rate is very high among this sector of the community due to internal and external conflicts that dominate their psychological well being and physical health. We and they relegate them to the role of "drag queens" or "butch lesbians" but when we do this, we are incorrect in our assumptions. They are very unique indeed. Their straight counterparts in fact look upon them with amazement and often times cross over into the transgendered world just to follow and learn from these amazing people.
Like any group or sector their are problems and people who cause them. Transgendered people can be very spiteful and vengful. This is normally due to the fact they hold in a lot of pain and aggression. They learn to do this from a young age and long for love, security and acceptance. If you observe transgendered kids you will be left speechless. They are absolutely amazing human beings and are capable of great and wonderful things. All gay and transgendered kids should be our most cherished community members. They after all are our future.
No matter what the striaght community has, the gay community has it also. You want labels? We both have labels. You want good folks? We both have them. You want assholes? They abound on both sides of the fence. Lovers, killers, peace activist, artist, professionals, stars, homeless, wealthy and poor. Anything you think of the gays and straights have it. Are we truly different or are we more alike than we care to admit?
I think we are more alike. We are identical, we are human.
What's The Difference?
Let's take a look at one of the most misunderstood communities in our world today. The gay community. It is a most diverse and puzzling group with its own social norms, shared behavior, and also has positive and negative aspects. In order to determine if the gay community is "special" or "different" we have to look at every aspect of this people and the way they interact not only with themselves but with others whom they perceive to be "different" than themselves.
You cannot paint the gay community with one broad brush, no more than you can the straight community, because both are multifacited environments and worlds. We will examine the things which are common to the gay community and when we do, we will realize it is also the same and quite relative to the so called "straight" community. My whole point here today is to reveal the fact that their is very little difference between gays, lesbians, transgendered, and straight people.
I put it to you gentle reader that their is very little difference between gays and straights. It's silly to think otherwise. Gays to are of the opinion that they are total polar opposites of the straights are deceiving themselves and in so doing create problems that would otherwise not exist.
Understanding the Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexual and Transgendered
Homosexuality confers upon the practitioners of this sexual preference a defining which states they are attracted to the same sex. Are they born this way or are they "taught" to be this way? This debate is not only silly but has been raging on for decades. It has been stated that opposites attract but in the gay community is this true since they are attracted to the same sex? Yes it is true, but is more complex than first imagined.
Are gay men and gay women (lesbians) the same? Are they comparable because both are attracted to the same sex? Not at all and ,if you think so, you are very mistaken. Are transgendered people the same as gay men and gay women? No, they are different yet they share the same humanity. Get this point into your heads now. Gays, Lesbians, Transgendered and Bi-sexuals are human. No more, no less. Human behavior is just that. Human.
We as "humans" feel a need to "label." Even so in the so called "gay community" there are a miriad of labels and by their own choosing. These labels help to identify the type of gay a person is and yet at the same time seperates like most labels do. This is actually quite unnecassary and prevents community cohesion as it does in the straight community.
Gay males come in all ages and are not simply homogenus. They come in all races, creeds, religions, nationalities and cultures. Like straight humans, gays, lesbians, bi & transgendered humans have relationships and like straights approach and live these relationships in a manner which best nurtures the individuals involved in them. Also, just like their straight counter parts some of the gay community enters into relationships that are harmful to at least one of the people living out these varied relationships.
Gayness is not a "lifestyle" but is a human condition. Lifestyles are choices made and parameters set by those who "choose" to follow the self made rules of living. Gayness is not a choice nor is it a learned behavior. Certain aspects of gay sexuality is taught and learned such as techniques or the mechanics of love making but the desire and passion cannot be taught. In the straight world as it is called, little boys aren't born with the knowledge of how to engage in sexual intercourse with a female nor does he know or even care what gives pleasure to the female, but the techniques and mechanisms of love making are taught and learned. The desire and passion is there by course of nature. It is as natural to them (the heterosexuals) as homosexuality is natural to gays. It is either there or it is not.
If you take a boy (kid) who by his nature is not gay and and force him to experience homosexual intercourse either oral, anal or other, his psyche will rebel against this introduction of intimacy that is contrary to his "nature". He will develop psychological problems which will manifest itself in actions that are destructive to the human boy. Self medicating seems to be the norm and that is where people abuse drugs and alchohol in order to mask the internal pain and conflict that comes from actions perpitrated on them by others. It is therefor extremely dangerous to act against the will of another and to introduce by force or coersion something into the psyche of another that is contrary to their very nature.
If you take a gay boy (kid) and force him to engage in heterosexual relations the same result will occur. Harm to the psyche can be very disabling and damaging. Each human individual needs to follow their own nature. You see, I'm a firm believer in "free will." Each human being must be free to become who they are and it is the responsibility of all humans to insure that our communities are as loving and nurturing as the homes we create for ourselves. A community can be considered a home and we all create homes that are "safe havens" and places where love and peace can flourish. I'm not saying that "free will" is a blank check that you can cash at the expense of others, what I am saying is "free will" must be followed by each human as long as it's not harmful to others. No one has the "right" to force their will upon another to that persons harm.
Gay males have life experiences that are unique to themselves and experiences they share with their heterosexual counterparts. Community rejection, stereotyping, and homophobia are negative experiences that are unique to the gay male community. Both gay and heterosexual males face the obstacle of finding a mate who is desirable, faithful, loving and monogomus. Cheating and betrayal infect both gay and straight worlds because it is leanred behavior and an exercise of "free will". There are more similarities between gay and straight males than there are differences. Not all gay males are "Nelly" or "fem". Many are masculine or macho and are found by the less masculine to be desirable. In both gays and heterosexuals there are struggles and triumphs, ups and downs, high and lows, posititve and negative aspects.
Is the gay community "special or different" than the heterosexual community? Absolutely not. The gay community is guided by the same external forces that guide or misguide the heterosexual community. Marketing, advertising, social norms and morals are all the same and are derived from the same sources. Gay marketing and advertising is based on "fantasy" just as it is in the heterosexual community. Sex sells. The gay community has been reduced to a "hedonistic amoral community." Gays look at the heterosexual community and see broken marriages, child abuse, bigotry, homophobia, oppression and crime. When you look at the gay community all those things are there as well. Some gays dislike "fems" and make it known. Some gays only like "straight men", some gays like "twinks or teen boys", while others only like older men (young vs. older) and there are various reasons for it. When asked why, they all respond with stereotypical answers, thus "stereotyping".
Then you have gay males who will quickly point out how "hot" some straight guy is all the while thinking that his sexual preference is either disgusting or he is trying to figure out how to bring this straight guy out of a closet the he's not even in. This cannot be denied as it occurs constantly by an overwhelming majority in the gay male sector. Homophobic heterosexual males on the other hand find gay sex disgusting and have established many "ex-gay" programs such as Exodus, which is a religious themed program, that helps "gay males" become straight males. Here we go again with actions against someone elses nature.
Peel back the layers of the gay community and you find the same life experiences that you will find in the heterosexual community always. There is a social idea that says gays and straights are different and that is one of the silliest ideas ever accepted by a people. There is no difference. Go to a gay bar and what do you find? People. Gay bars and their patrons exist for one reason and that is to "distract and provide escape" for those who frequent the establishments. You have gay men who go, drink, or take drugs and or cruise. It can be a combination of all three. You find this in heterosexual oriented bars or clubs as well. Personally, I feel that "clubbing" is like stepping in crap with no shoes on. I have yet to go to a gay bar that was not stereotypical which is quite obvious. You will always find, dancers, drunks, emotionally arrested adolescents in adult bodies, drug addicts, prostitutes, gold diggers, unfaithful partners, cruisers, and yes, drag queens. I refuse to date a clubber as I am one of those who seek the elusive LTR. Please forgive me but I am a hopeless romantic and I'm not the only one. I will be friends with and support someone who enjoys the clubs but I won't be an enabler or follow the same practices they do as it is against my free will. I understand the various reasons that motivate "clubbers" and I am the first to admit that I am not one of them nor do I share in their motivations.
Let's take a look at the various sectors of the gay community, with the people and ideas that comprise these varied sectors.
Masculine Gay Men:
The masculine gay man is seemingly at the center of the gay community. He is highly favored by gays and straights alike because he is not "fem". He "acts like a man." You see it all the time on gay web personals "I want a man to act like a man and I don't want any fems. No offense but its just the way I am." End quote. The masculine gay man can fit in to both gay and staight worlds and does quite well. The masculine gay man is generally a good provider and is involved in some sort of profession or business. He is the Alpha male of the pack and lives his life in almost identical paralell to his straight counterparts. The masculine gay man is attracted to various types. Some like like "fems" only as it gives them a feeling of marriage while others prefer other "masculine" men in a mad attempt to avoid "drama." For the most part these men are either "tops" or "versitile".
Fems:
Everyone knows a fem. He is a very sensative creature and emmulates his mother and always has a "hag" near by or simply a phone call away. You rarely see him without his "hag". The hag is simply an extension of his mother and she always secretly longs for the day when she can turn him straight but most won't admit this. There is a saying, "if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you." Everywhere you find a fem you will find "drama". With more "issues" than National Geographic these hearty folk are found at shopping malls, jewelry stores and clubs. They are always on the prowel for that elusive "Hot Guy" who has washboard abs, straight teeth, perfect hair and dreamy eyes. The fems either over eat or they don't eat enough and are highly suggestive. Any launching a marketing campaign on earth knows that it takes very little to sway this crowd. Clothes, jewelry, hair product and styles, shoes, and sex are the hot button issues with this group. If you truly want to get to know them, simply meet and get to know their mothers. They are "bottoms" and submissive but don't let that fool you. They are vindictive, spiteful, and have a temper that is unsurpassed by any other. They are manipulative, charming, stylish and can hold a grudge like none other. They want what they want and they want it now.
Twinks: (A subgroup of Fems)
Let the parade begin, the twinks are here. We all see them in the gay bars and cruising the shopping malls. They love Starbucks, book stores, retail shopping and being spoiled. These hearty folk make up a large sector of the gay community. The twinks range in age from 15 to 25 and always hang on to their youth like they do their last shred of dignity. Like fems, they want what they want and anyone else be damned if they get in their way. I have known a miriad of twinks in my time and I always avoid relationships with them. I made the mistake of having a relationship with one and by doing so I learned a valuable lesson. RUN! They are vain, expensive, narcissistic and the most insensere people I've ever had the displeasure to meet. You can find them cruising the gym for hot guys while the slowly walk on the tread mill or lift their 10 lbs. weight set. They love the gym clothes and if asked to describe the interior of the gym they simply could not. They can tell you who is there, what he is wearing or not wearing. They can fully describe a man with such exacting detail that if you had them as an eye witness in court and you were hot, you'd be screwed. Twinks go online to gay personals, lie about their age and have sex with adults until they themselves are adults. This horrifies many gay men to think they just crawled out of bed with a 15 year old. The twinks don't care as long as they are happy with what ever it is they do, everyone else can go get screwed. They enjoy being spoiled like the more professinal fems. If they don't get their way or the man they want, there will be drama, and hell to pay.
Twinks can be found late at night "puking" in the parking lot of any gay bar. You can also trace their drinking binges to recent drama brought about by their "partner" or latest "target" who is hot, leaving them or blowing them off after use. Nearby is the omnipresent hag holding his head while he pukes muttering the words "honey forget that sorry ass bastard, I told you I didn't trust him. It's his loss." The Twink always finds comfort in the words of his hag because she always agrees with him in priniciple and never betrays him. She is the "fat chick" you always have to take on a date with you for the first time. The Twink can talk endlessly about himself and the things he likes or dislikes and will constantly let you know when his birthday rolls around and will call you constatntly prior too and during gift giving holidays. If dating a Twink, you must always be aware of his favorite color, favorite food, music, jewelry choices, car, (always expensive ones) type of house, condo or apartment he will tolerate, and of course you must always be nice to his hag even if she is rude as hell to you and hates your guts. Break any of these rules and there will be hell to pay. This little gay person grew up with TV as a baby sitter and his mind cannot grasp the reality of life very well. If his life is not the same as what he finds in catalogs, books, TV movies and shows or on DVD he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Understand them, identify them, and by all means, be careful. Yes they are cute and adorable but so are koalas but they will shred you to bits if crossed.
BD/S&M
This group of folks are, to say the least, bizarre to most. They are generally as a rule of thumb, in a category of their own. These members of the gay community can be often times readily spotted from a distance and their "night clubs" are far different from your mainstream gay bars. They offer alcohol, drugs, pain, discipline, bondage, and a host of paraphilias that seem to exite and stimulate them. Their lives are drawn around the process of sexual expression. There are two divisions of this group, the dominant and submissive. They have their own color code of "hankies" that informs their subcommunity members "what they're into."
The psycho-dynamics involved in their world are varied and basically boil down to "control" and "trust". The dominant men desire to "control" others and direct them or orchestrate the sexual experience, while the submissive desire to be vulnerable and derive a rush from trusting the one who has them in bondage. Being in bondage takes away any and all responsibility for their lust and desires. They enjoy having it forced upon them. The pleasure of pain comes from a self loathing and the infliction of pain is derived from a strong desire to exercise power over another and to view their reactions to the infliction of pain. This world rapidly changes and is totally imaginary. These folks create dungeons, ass machines, slings, and a host of other tools and toys with which they utilize to bring about the fruition of any fantasy they can create in their minds. They do have a counterpart in the straight community. I would go into the psychlogical profile of all the "gay" groups but will do so at a later date. These who reside within this community are often times disfunctional in character and in action. Body worship comes from this community and is shared with the other sectors.
The problem with hedonism and body worship is that in time, we all grow older and finally reach the final stop, old age. It is all pointless and deceiving, an exercise in futility. Does it truly make us happy to expend all this energy and money on the superficial? As the gay community ages and youth has fled, depression sets in and many become bitter and lonely. If you look clearly at the present you will see that the youth are also bitter and lonely without the onset of old age. We as a community should recognize what is being done to us and how it effects us as human beings. Are we merely gulible consumers who chase after the beauty and hedonism of youth or are we a viable and miraculous people who can survive when others fail. Are we the ones who will take up the torch of morality or are we the ones who eternally snuff out that flame? The choice is ours to make. Isn't free will a bitch?
Bisexuals
Now here is a kick in the head. Totally gay men and women look upon this anomoly as a puzzle within a puzzle. You've heard it said many times by the frustrated. "Pick a team and play!"
Bisexuals come from home where both parents are emotionally distant and therefor the internalization of "pleasing mommy and daddy" is begun. These folks spend their entire lives being faithful to none and live for the sexual physical experience and in turn deceive themselves into thinking they love anyone. They love being with someone but have never been actually able to commit to any one single person regardless of sex for a lengthy period of time. These folks also serve as a "disease bridge" between the gay and straight community. The bisexual is usually a "top" when with a straight woman and a "bottom" when with a gay man. You will often time see that some are "versitile" when they produce an online personal add but usually are advertising as a bottom.
Many gay men and boys, as well as straight girls and women have had their hearts broken, as they say, by bisexuals. Does this in anyway bother the bisexual person? Absolutely not, they truly don't care as long as their needs are fulfilled and most are considered hypersexual people or suffering from sex addiction. These people inhabit both the gay and straight world and do so with ease. They can and do blend in quite well.
If you are looking for an LTR, whether you are a gay male or a gay woman, please save yourself a lot of pain and grief and steer clear of the bisexual. If you want some recreational sex and don't care about an LTR then dive in.
Lesbians
The totally female sector of the gay community are an amazing group of people. Lesbians fall in love and do so with such passion and depth. They generally as a rule gravitate or dream of gravitating to rural areas. In rural areas they become nesters and make excellent parents as do some gay men. The "country" represents an abundance of life and women are by nature "life givers". Every gay man knows a lesbian who is either a business person or a professional. Lesbians can be found all over the map and can actaully do anything a man can do except urinate over a fence. (humor intended) They are found in traditional "mens" work and do quite well at it and as a matter of fact are more consciensous towards their work. In other words they do a great job at whatever they do. By their nature they don't like "slack" and "mistakes" if they are done out of a lack of enthusiasm.
You can rest assured that Lesbians are a hearty and enthusiastic people who put 100% of themselves into everything they do. They make excellent neighbors and friends. They are the counterpart of the heterosexual couple who marry for life and raise a wonderful family. This is generally a rule of thumb but as in all groups there are some who don't fit this mold and are widely known in the community and avoided. Lesbians like to enjoy peaceful and safe homes and will not tolerate a disruption of this harmony.
Transgendered
We call them "Trannys", "transgendered", "cross dressers" (mistakenly), "transformers", "decepticons", and a host of other labels. These individuals are either gay males or females who feel they were born into the wrong bodies. These are a very vulnerable sector who are more often victims of violence than any other sector. These folks respond well to sincerity and love and if given the opportunity can be productive members of any community. They come from all walks of life and are as varied as the professions they follow. Very creative and artistic they do well in urban centers better than rural areas.
Transgendered people are very good at hiding their emotions especially when they are hurting inside. The suicide rate is very high among this sector of the community due to internal and external conflicts that dominate their psychological well being and physical health. We and they relegate them to the role of "drag queens" or "butch lesbians" but when we do this, we are incorrect in our assumptions. They are very unique indeed. Their straight counterparts in fact look upon them with amazement and often times cross over into the transgendered world just to follow and learn from these amazing people.
Like any group or sector their are problems and people who cause them. Transgendered people can be very spiteful and vengful. This is normally due to the fact they hold in a lot of pain and aggression. They learn to do this from a young age and long for love, security and acceptance. If you observe transgendered kids you will be left speechless. They are absolutely amazing human beings and are capable of great and wonderful things. All gay and transgendered kids should be our most cherished community members. They after all are our future.
No matter what the striaght community has, the gay community has it also. You want labels? We both have labels. You want good folks? We both have them. You want assholes? They abound on both sides of the fence. Lovers, killers, peace activist, artist, professionals, stars, homeless, wealthy and poor. Anything you think of the gays and straights have it. Are we truly different or are we more alike than we care to admit?
I think we are more alike. We are identical, we are human.
What's The Difference?
Let's take a look at one of the most misunderstood communities in our world today. The gay community. It is a most diverse and puzzling group with its own social norms, shared behavior, and also has positive and negative aspects. In order to determine if the gay community is "special" or "different" we have to look at every aspect of this people and the way they interact not only with themselves but with others whom they perceive to be "different" than themselves.
You cannot paint the gay community with one broad brush, no more than you can the straight community, because both are multifacited environments and worlds. We will examine the things which are common to the gay community and when we do, we will realize it is also the same and quite relative to the so called "straight" community. My whole point here today is to reveal the fact that their is very little difference between gays, lesbians, transgendered, and straight people.
I put it to you gentle reader that their is very little difference between gays and straights. It's silly to think otherwise. Gays to are of the opinion that they are total polar opposites of the straights are deceiving themselves and in so doing create problems that would otherwise not exist.
Understanding the Gays, Lesbians, Bi-sexual and Transgendered
Homosexuality confers upon the practitioners of this sexual preference a defining which states they are attracted to the same sex. Are they born this way or are they "taught" to be this way? This debate is not only silly but has been raging on for decades. It has been stated that opposites attract but in the gay community is this true since they are attracted to the same sex? Yes it is true, but is more complex than first imagined.
Are gay men and gay women (lesbians) the same? Are they comparable because both are attracted to the same sex? Not at all and ,if you think so, you are very mistaken. Are transgendered people the same as gay men and gay women? No, they are different yet they share the same humanity. Get this point into your heads now. Gays, Lesbians, Transgendered and Bi-sexuals are human. No more, no less. Human behavior is just that. Human.
We as "humans" feel a need to "label." Even so in the so called "gay community" there are a miriad of labels and by their own choosing. These labels help to identify the type of gay a person is and yet at the same time seperates like most labels do. This is actually quite unnecassary and prevents community cohesion as it does in the straight community.
Gay males come in all ages and are not simply homogenus. They come in all races, creeds, religions, nationalities and cultures. Like straight humans, gays, lesbians, bi & transgendered humans have relationships and like straights approach and live these relationships in a manner which best nurtures the individuals involved in them. Also, just like their straight counter parts some of the gay community enters into relationships that are harmful to at least one of the people living out these varied relationships.
Gayness is not a "lifestyle" but is a human condition. Lifestyles are choices made and parameters set by those who "choose" to follow the self made rules of living. Gayness is not a choice nor is it a learned behavior. Certain aspects of gay sexuality is taught and learned such as techniques or the mechanics of love making but the desire and passion cannot be taught. In the straight world as it is called, little boys aren't born with the knowledge of how to engage in sexual intercourse with a female nor does he know or even care what gives pleasure to the female, but the techniques and mechanisms of love making are taught and learned. The desire and passion is there by course of nature. It is as natural to them (the heterosexuals) as homosexuality is natural to gays. It is either there or it is not.
If you take a boy (kid) who by his nature is not gay and and force him to experience homosexual intercourse either oral, anal or other, his psyche will rebel against this introduction of intimacy that is contrary to his "nature". He will develop psychological problems which will manifest itself in actions that are destructive to the human boy. Self medicating seems to be the norm and that is where people abuse drugs and alchohol in order to mask the internal pain and conflict that comes from actions perpitrated on them by others. It is therefor extremely dangerous to act against the will of another and to introduce by force or coersion something into the psyche of another that is contrary to their very nature.
If you take a gay boy (kid) and force him to engage in heterosexual relations the same result will occur. Harm to the psyche can be very disabling and damaging. Each human individual needs to follow their own nature. You see, I'm a firm believer in "free will." Each human being must be free to become who they are and it is the responsibility of all humans to insure that our communities are as loving and nurturing as the homes we create for ourselves. A community can be considered a home and we all create homes that are "safe havens" and places where love and peace can flourish. I'm not saying that "free will" is a blank check that you can cash at the expense of others, what I am saying is "free will" must be followed by each human as long as it's not harmful to others. No one has the "right" to force their will upon another to that persons harm.
Gay males have life experiences that are unique to themselves and experiences they share with their heterosexual counterparts. Community rejection, stereotyping, and homophobia are negative experiences that are unique to the gay male community. Both gay and heterosexual males face the obstacle of finding a mate who is desirable, faithful, loving and monogomus. Cheating and betrayal infect both gay and straight worlds because it is leanred behavior and an exercise of "free will". There are more similarities between gay and straight males than there are differences. Not all gay males are "Nelly" or "fem". Many are masculine or macho and are found by the less masculine to be desirable. In both gays and heterosexuals there are struggles and triumphs, ups and downs, high and lows, posititve and negative aspects.
Is the gay community "special or different" than the heterosexual community? Absolutely not. The gay community is guided by the same external forces that guide or misguide the heterosexual community. Marketing, advertising, social norms and morals are all the same and are derived from the same sources. Gay marketing and advertising is based on "fantasy" just as it is in the heterosexual community. Sex sells. The gay community has been reduced to a "hedonistic amoral community." Gays look at the heterosexual community and see broken marriages, child abuse, bigotry, homophobia, oppression and crime. When you look at the gay community all those things are there as well. Some gays dislike "fems" and make it known. Some gays only like "straight men", some gays like "twinks or teen boys", while others only like older men (young vs. older) and there are various reasons for it. When asked why, they all respond with stereotypical answers, thus "stereotyping".
Then you have gay males who will quickly point out how "hot" some straight guy is all the while thinking that his sexual preference is either disgusting or he is trying to figure out how to bring this straight guy out of a closet the he's not even in. This cannot be denied as it occurs constantly by an overwhelming majority in the gay male sector. Homophobic heterosexual males on the other hand find gay sex disgusting and have established many "ex-gay" programs such as Exodus, which is a religious themed program, that helps "gay males" become straight males. Here we go again with actions against someone elses nature.
Peel back the layers of the gay community and you find the same life experiences that you will find in the heterosexual community always. There is a social idea that says gays and straights are different and that is one of the silliest ideas ever accepted by a people. There is no difference. Go to a gay bar and what do you find? People. Gay bars and their patrons exist for one reason and that is to "distract and provide escape" for those who frequent the establishments. You have gay men who go, drink, or take drugs and or cruise. It can be a combination of all three. You find this in heterosexual oriented bars or clubs as well. Personally, I feel that "clubbing" is like stepping in crap with no shoes on. I have yet to go to a gay bar that was not stereotypical which is quite obvious. You will always find, dancers, drunks, emotionally arrested adolescents in adult bodies, drug addicts, prostitutes, gold diggers, unfaithful partners, cruisers, and yes, drag queens. I refuse to date a clubber as I am one of those who seek the elusive LTR. Please forgive me but I am a hopeless romantic and I'm not the only one. I will be friends with and support someone who enjoys the clubs but I won't be an enabler or follow the same practices they do as it is against my free will. I understand the various reasons that motivate "clubbers" and I am the first to admit that I am not one of them nor do I share in their motivations.
Let's take a look at the various sectors of the gay community, with the people and ideas that comprise these varied sectors.
Masculine Gay Men:
The masculine gay man is seemingly at the center of the gay community. He is highly favored by gays and straights alike because he is not "fem". He "acts like a man." You see it all the time on gay web personals "I want a man to act like a man and I don't want any fems. No offense but its just the way I am." End quote. The masculine gay man can fit in to both gay and staight worlds and does quite well. The masculine gay man is generally a good provider and is involved in some sort of profession or business. He is the Alpha male of the pack and lives his life in almost identical paralell to his straight counterparts. The masculine gay man is attracted to various types. Some like like "fems" only as it gives them a feeling of marriage while others prefer other "masculine" men in a mad attempt to avoid "drama." For the most part these men are either "tops" or "versitile".
Fems:
Everyone knows a fem. He is a very sensative creature and emmulates his mother and always has a "hag" near by or simply a phone call away. You rarely see him without his "hag". The hag is simply an extension of his mother and she always secretly longs for the day when she can turn him straight but most won't admit this. There is a saying, "if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you." Everywhere you find a fem you will find "drama". With more "issues" than National Geographic these hearty folk are found at shopping malls, jewelry stores and clubs. They are always on the prowel for that elusive "Hot Guy" who has washboard abs, straight teeth, perfect hair and dreamy eyes. The fems either over eat or they don't eat enough and are highly suggestive. Any launching a marketing campaign on earth knows that it takes very little to sway this crowd. Clothes, jewelry, hair product and styles, shoes, and sex are the hot button issues with this group. If you truly want to get to know them, simply meet and get to know their mothers. They are "bottoms" and submissive but don't let that fool you. They are vindictive, spiteful, and have a temper that is unsurpassed by any other. They are manipulative, charming, stylish and can hold a grudge like none other. They want what they want and they want it now.
Twinks: (A subgroup of Fems)
Let the parade begin, the twinks are here. We all see them in the gay bars and cruising the shopping malls. They love Starbucks, book stores, retail shopping and being spoiled. These hearty folk make up a large sector of the gay community. The twinks range in age from 15 to 25 and always hang on to their youth like they do their last shred of dignity. Like fems, they want what they want and anyone else be damned if they get in their way. I have known a miriad of twinks in my time and I always avoid relationships with them. I made the mistake of having a relationship with one and by doing so I learned a valuable lesson. RUN! They are vain, expensive, narcissistic and the most insensere people I've ever had the displeasure to meet. You can find them cruising the gym for hot guys while the slowly walk on the tread mill or lift their 10 lbs. weight set. They love the gym clothes and if asked to describe the interior of the gym they simply could not. They can tell you who is there, what he is wearing or not wearing. They can fully describe a man with such exacting detail that if you had them as an eye witness in court and you were hot, you'd be screwed. Twinks go online to gay personals, lie about their age and have sex with adults until they themselves are adults. This horrifies many gay men to think they just crawled out of bed with a 15 year old. The twinks don't care as long as they are happy with what ever it is they do, everyone else can go get screwed. They enjoy being spoiled like the more professinal fems. If they don't get their way or the man they want, there will be drama, and hell to pay.
Twinks can be found late at night "puking" in the parking lot of any gay bar. You can also trace their drinking binges to recent drama brought about by their "partner" or latest "target" who is hot, leaving them or blowing them off after use. Nearby is the omnipresent hag holding his head while he pukes muttering the words "honey forget that sorry ass bastard, I told you I didn't trust him. It's his loss." The Twink always finds comfort in the words of his hag because she always agrees with him in priniciple and never betrays him. She is the "fat chick" you always have to take on a date with you for the first time. The Twink can talk endlessly about himself and the things he likes or dislikes and will constantly let you know when his birthday rolls around and will call you constatntly prior too and during gift giving holidays. If dating a Twink, you must always be aware of his favorite color, favorite food, music, jewelry choices, car, (always expensive ones) type of house, condo or apartment he will tolerate, and of course you must always be nice to his hag even if she is rude as hell to you and hates your guts. Break any of these rules and there will be hell to pay. This little gay person grew up with TV as a baby sitter and his mind cannot grasp the reality of life very well. If his life is not the same as what he finds in catalogs, books, TV movies and shows or on DVD he will let you know in no uncertain terms. Understand them, identify them, and by all means, be careful. Yes they are cute and adorable but so are koalas but they will shred you to bits if crossed.
BD/S&M
This group of folks are, to say the least, bizarre to most. They are generally as a rule of thumb, in a category of their own. These members of the gay community can be often times readily spotted from a distance and their "night clubs" are far different from your mainstream gay bars. They offer alcohol, drugs, pain, discipline, bondage, and a host of paraphilias that seem to exite and stimulate them. Their lives are drawn around the process of sexual expression. There are two divisions of this group, the dominant and submissive. They have their own color code of "hankies" that informs their subcommunity members "what they're into."
The psycho-dynamics involved in their world are varied and basically boil down to "control" and "trust". The dominant men desire to "control" others and direct them or orchestrate the sexual experience, while the submissive desire to be vulnerable and derive a rush from trusting the one who has them in bondage. Being in bondage takes away any and all responsibility for their lust and desires. They enjoy having it forced upon them. The pleasure of pain comes from a self loathing and the infliction of pain is derived from a strong desire to exercise power over another and to view their reactions to the infliction of pain. This world rapidly changes and is totally imaginary. These folks create dungeons, ass machines, slings, and a host of other tools and toys with which they utilize to bring about the fruition of any fantasy they can create in their minds. They do have a counterpart in the straight community. I would go into the psychlogical profile of all the "gay" groups but will do so at a later date. These who reside within this community are often times disfunctional in character and in action. Body worship comes from this community and is shared with the other sectors.
The problem with hedonism and body worship is that in time, we all grow older and finally reach the final stop, old age. It is all pointless and deceiving, an exercise in futility. Does it truly make us happy to expend all this energy and money on the superficial? As the gay community ages and youth has fled, depression sets in and many become bitter and lonely. If you look clearly at the present you will see that the youth are also bitter and lonely without the onset of old age. We as a community should recognize what is being done to us and how it effects us as human beings. Are we merely gulible consumers who chase after the beauty and hedonism of youth or are we a viable and miraculous people who can survive when others fail. Are we the ones who will take up the torch of morality or are we the ones who eternally snuff out that flame? The choice is ours to make. Isn't free will a bitch?
Bisexuals
Now here is a kick in the head. Totally gay men and women look upon this anomoly as a puzzle within a puzzle. You've heard it said many times by the frustrated. "Pick a team and play!"
Bisexuals come from home where both parents are emotionally distant and therefor the internalization of "pleasing mommy and daddy" is begun. These folks spend their entire lives being faithful to none and live for the sexual physical experience and in turn deceive themselves into thinking they love anyone. They love being with someone but have never been actually able to commit to any one single person regardless of sex for a lengthy period of time. These folks also serve as a "disease bridge" between the gay and straight community. The bisexual is usually a "top" when with a straight woman and a "bottom" when with a gay man. You will often time see that some are "versitile" when they produce an online personal add but usually are advertising as a bottom.
Many gay men and boys, as well as straight girls and women have had their hearts broken, as they say, by bisexuals. Does this in anyway bother the bisexual person? Absolutely not, they truly don't care as long as their needs are fulfilled and most are considered hypersexual people or suffering from sex addiction. These people inhabit both the gay and straight world and do so with ease. They can and do blend in quite well.
If you are looking for an LTR, whether you are a gay male or a gay woman, please save yourself a lot of pain and grief and steer clear of the bisexual. If you want some recreational sex and don't care about an LTR then dive in.
Lesbians
The totally female sector of the gay community are an amazing group of people. Lesbians fall in love and do so with such passion and depth. They generally as a rule gravitate or dream of gravitating to rural areas. In rural areas they become nesters and make excellent parents as do some gay men. The "country" represents an abundance of life and women are by nature "life givers". Every gay man knows a lesbian who is either a business person or a professional. Lesbians can be found all over the map and can actaully do anything a man can do except urinate over a fence. (humor intended) They are found in traditional "mens" work and do quite well at it and as a matter of fact are more consciensous towards their work. In other words they do a great job at whatever they do. By their nature they don't like "slack" and "mistakes" if they are done out of a lack of enthusiasm.
You can rest assured that Lesbians are a hearty and enthusiastic people who put 100% of themselves into everything they do. They make excellent neighbors and friends. They are the counterpart of the heterosexual couple who marry for life and raise a wonderful family. This is generally a rule of thumb but as in all groups there are some who don't fit this mold and are widely known in the community and avoided. Lesbians like to enjoy peaceful and safe homes and will not tolerate a disruption of this harmony.
Transgendered
We call them "Trannys", "transgendered", "cross dressers" (mistakenly), "transformers", "decepticons", and a host of other labels. These individuals are either gay males or females who feel they were born into the wrong bodies. These are a very vulnerable sector who are more often victims of violence than any other sector. These folks respond well to sincerity and love and if given the opportunity can be productive members of any community. They come from all walks of life and are as varied as the professions they follow. Very creative and artistic they do well in urban centers better than rural areas.
Transgendered people are very good at hiding their emotions especially when they are hurting inside. The suicide rate is very high among this sector of the community due to internal and external conflicts that dominate their psychological well being and physical health. We and they relegate them to the role of "drag queens" or "butch lesbians" but when we do this, we are incorrect in our assumptions. They are very unique indeed. Their straight counterparts in fact look upon them with amazement and often times cross over into the transgendered world just to follow and learn from these amazing people.
Like any group or sector their are problems and people who cause them. Transgendered people can be very spiteful and vengful. This is normally due to the fact they hold in a lot of pain and aggression. They learn to do this from a young age and long for love, security and acceptance. If you observe transgendered kids you will be left speechless. They are absolutely amazing human beings and are capable of great and wonderful things. All gay and transgendered kids should be our most cherished community members. They after all are our future.
No matter what the striaght community has, the gay community has it also. You want labels? We both have labels. You want good folks? We both have them. You want assholes? They abound on both sides of the fence. Lovers, killers, peace activist, artist, professionals, stars, homeless, wealthy and poor. Anything you think of the gays and straights have it. Are we truly different or are we more alike than we care to admit?
I think we are more alike. We are identical, we are human.
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